


it had something to do with death . . . it had something to do with love

by Skyepilot



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Alien Biology, Alien Sex, Angst, Comfort, Coulson loves Skye, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Love, Resolved Sexual Tension, Skye loves Coulson, coulson feels, meta feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-01
Updated: 2014-12-01
Packaged: 2018-02-27 17:01:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2700536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skyepilot/pseuds/Skyepilot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ficlet pre 02x09.  Coulson's desire to find the city are linked to his romantic notions about Skye, and his fears of losing her.</p><p>Title from the poem This Room and Everything In It by Li-Young Lee.</p>
            </blockquote>





	it had something to do with death . . . it had something to do with love

This city is a key.

To her past, to her future and most especially the present.

The answers she's always sought might be there.

And he wants to give her that. Before her father and HYDRA ruin everything.

It's a race he intends to win.

As he stares at the schematic displayed in his office, he thinks about her apprehensions of finding it and why. 

He doesn't want to add to that and at the same time he's not ready to tell her the truth about what this means to him. Just like he doesn't want to examine too closely what he might become if she somehow went away. What that says about him.

When he thought he was dying, before the alien DNA had really taken control, he was consumed by the idea of what he would leave her. SHIELD was all he had left to give.

After all they've fought for, and everything they've survived, he can't lose her now.

It's selfish, but it's also the right thing to do. He would do everything to keep HYDRA from the city. But it would be a hollow victory without her by his side when it happens.

If she had any idea, really... He's afraid it might overwhelm her. That she would have to live up to some idea of her instead of being just what she is. He's thought that part through carefully, as objectively as possible. When he met her he'd be lying to say he wasn't excited by her 0-8-4 status in an abstract sort of way. Chasing fantastic objects and people all over the globe was what he did, and one had just been dropped in his lap.

When he realized she was the one making the Rising Tide podcasts he had spent hours parsing through, that might have been when he first started to form a more intentional personal curiosity. Okay, a crush.

Then he discovered her ability to find exploits, and the way she saw people and events shaped by possibilities instead of reactions. It was completely different from the sea he'd been swimming in most of his life. He felt like the alien, discovering her world. 

But when she came for him, so relentlessly, without any of the resources he'd put in place around her, even handicapped by the bracelet he had given her, that's when he realized this was someone he would follow anywhere.

Skye is ambitious, and she makes it look deceptively easy. He knows better, having never possessed that kind of ambition. And he's always admired people who have.

She would always be something amazing with or without him. But to witness it? To stand beside it? 

What a privilege.

The idea of losing that makes him ache inside. She's changed him, somehow, and he can't go back to what he was before.

He turns to whisk the tablet off of the chair, pulls up the op parameters he's laid out, despite the fact that it's late.

"Haven't you ever been told not to gaze too long into the abyss?"

He spins around to see her standing in the door.

She's taken her time, she wanted to be alone for awhile after he'd told her what her father had said.

"When fighting monsters, you don't become the monster?" he said, smiling at her. "I'm familiar."

Her hand is on the door jamb, she's leaning into it slightly. Waiting for something.

"You alright?" he asks, sensing her hesitation.

"Yeah," she says, finally stepping into his office and coming to stand next to him to look at the city displayed on the monitor.

There's a lot at work there near the surface, he thinks, watching her face as she looks it over.

"Why do you want to find this city so badly?" she asks him, as though she's been listening to his thoughts this whole time.

He swallows, staring back at her, caught. He's told her why, just like he's told everyone. 

"For you."

It comes out a lot more raw than he had intended. The truth. How does she do that?

And, as he feared, she seems a bit startled by it, looking at him like she's examining him, to see if he's for real. He thinks about the things he's wanted to give her. Like her badge, a way in. Like SHIELD. Like this. To be beside her.

Then he surprises himself by leaning forward and kissing her. He's never thought about giving her that before, at least not in this way. But he will, if she'll have him. That he might give her some sense of comfort or peace right now.

When she doesn't kiss back, he starts to pull away, begins to think of various ways to apologize, when she chases his mouth and kisses him back. There's an eagerness to it that does things to him he's forgotten about.

He forgets how strong she is now, too. The way she's pushing him back up against the shelves in his office, pulling at his suit jacket to bring his mouth hard against hers again.

It's all going to be too much for him, he knows it already, he's going to drown in her, even more than he already has.

She goes for his belt and he stops her, putting his hand over hers. Then he takes it and pulls her after him into his bedroom past the office, shutting the door behind them.

Now that they're really alone, they're staring at each other. He makes the first move by taking off his jacket and tossing it over the nearby chair and she walks up to him and starts to unbutton his shirt, as he pulls her hips towards his, his fingers tugging at her shirt at the waistline and pulling it loose.

He steps backwards to the bed, then pulls her shirt over her head as she helpfully raises her arms and he sits down on the mattress, kissing her stomach, running his fingers over her scar there, sighing at the feeling of her nails through his hair.

Then she pushes him backwards on the bed, finishes unbuttoning his shirt, pulling his tie away, lifting his undershirt, until she sees the scar there. 

It doesn't matter. It used to, but it doesn't matter now. She can do whatever she wants to with him.

Her hand palms him through his slacks and she's kissing him again, licking over his lower lip and he slips his tongue into her mouth as her hand moves against him, getting him ready.

It starts to become too much and he sits up, taking his own belt apart and sliding his pants and boxers down past his hips and she gets rid of her bra and takes off her jeans as he slips his shirt off.

Then she lays down on the bed beside him, and he gets it. He climbs over her, resting on his forearms, kissing her and brushing his hand against her face.

"I love you," he says to her. "Nothing will ever change that."

He moves inside of her, covering her with him, amazed at how wet she is, how much she wants him, how good this feels. Burying his face against her neck, he kisses and sucks until she moans and then he moves down to her breasts, caressing each one with his mouth and tongue.

She pulls him back up to her, meeting his gaze, as he tilts his hips and lifts hers to find the right spot.

"Fuck, Phil," she says, and he knows he's there. He sits back, taken off guard by her cursing and using his first name all at once, also incredibly turned on.

"Don't stop," she asks, running her fingers over his jawline, and he turns his head to capture one in his mouth.

"Like that?" he answers, arching his hips towards her, his hands around her thighs.

She nods eagerly, her breathing starting to hitch, and he's about to go there with her.

He has to know, even though they're both agents and there are standard procedures about this kind of thing, but he still feels like he has to ask permission.

"Do you want me to...?" he says, sliding himself out of her.

"No," she replies quickly, she grabs his arms to draw him towards her, back into her.

He breathes her breath and they stay with each other, moving together as it becomes so wonderfully unbearable, he has to say her name when they release into each other.

"Skye," he says it again, and kisses her tenderly.

As he traces his hand along her side, she touches his scar, feeling along the hard line it cuts across his heart.

"I don't even know what I am," she says quietly.

He stares back into her brown eyes, kisses her forehead.

"You're everything."


End file.
